Blessed

Blessed is a word I didn't ever use in the past.  I used to feel it was too “churchy” for me and that it was only used by the most devout religious folk.  To put it with least tact, I used to find the word itself to be somewhat annoying.  Leaving a bad taste in my mouth and in my brain.  But lately, unbeknownst to me, that "annoying" little word has somehow snuck itself into my vocabulary and I have found myself using “blessed” more and more.  Although I still use it, “luck” began to feel a little emptier.  Leaving the arrival of good things up to nothing more than mere chance.  While “blessed” began to feel like it had a sense of deservingness behind it.  In knowing that I am deserving enough of good things to come my way, and therefore, they do.  Realizing that there doesn't have to be any church-attachment to its meaning.  So now, I use the word blessed more often because in certain cases, there is no other word more appropriate.  Because I have realized I am blessed.  And I am so grateful for it.

Play time with my camera

I am so blessed to be doing what I now have the chance to do.  This past month, I have put my time and my energy into writing a book for a contest through a publishing company that has published perhaps a majority of the books I own.  I would be honored and humbled to have such an opportunity of publishing with them as well. 

I am trying to write an entire book in 3 weeks (yeah, I know), and I am not sure if I will be able to do so.  I am trying my darnedest, though.  But whether I complete my book in this time slot or not, I am excited  about it, and I love the direction it is heading.  Even though the deadline looms only 4 days from now, I credit the past 3 weeks for having jump-started my desire to both start and now to finish this book.  Whether it’s on the contest’s timeline or my own.

I also have realized how much I LOVE “being” a writer.  There is almost nothing else I would rather do than write.  Ok, fine, yes there are many other things I love to do, but as I told a co-worker on my last day of work one month ago, “I have to write.  I couldn’t live if I couldn’t write.”  As shocking and as bold as the words sounded coming from my own lips, I knew it was true.  Writing means so much to me, to my being, my heart, and my soul.  I love it.  I love it.  I love it.

So not only do I feel “blessed” for having the time and opportunity to be pursuing my dreams, but I am infinitely blessed to have such a strong support system backing me as I take this leap.  I am blessed beyond belief with gorgeous friends and family members who believe in me and encourage me to continually be my best.  Allowing me to do what  I feel I need to do, no matter how crazy and out of the norm my ideas and tactics may be.  I am so lucky to have people in my life who recognize me for who I really am.  They don’t try to change me, or make me feel bad in any way for being who I am.  They love and support me.  And appreciate me for exactly who I am.  Not for who I was a few years back, or for who I may someday become.  But appreciate me for who I am right now, today.  Big dreamer, head in the clouds, fault-filled, (and oh-so blessed) me. 

Ode to Yachting, Two

Oh my, what an amazing, thrilling ride it has been.  The past four and half years I have spent in yachting have had their fair share of ups and downs, but what I now take away from this experience is absolutely priceless.

After my first year of yachting, many people asked me if I had it out of my system yet and if I was ready to return to normal life again.  Those people didn’t understand that this wasn’t something to get out of my system.  This was, for me, a step in the right direction.  Yachting  was an integral piece of the puzzle I needed to discover the real me.  Deep down, I knew I didn’t see myself returning to “normal” ever again.  The day I decided to embark on this adventure, I was forever changed.  And there was no going back.

To start off, I would like to thank the wide world of yachting for providing me with exactly what I had hoped to find; an opportunity to travel while getting paid to do so.  Although I was excited to see the world from a vantage point that not the everyday person gets to, I actually ended up finding a whole other perspective of travel that I had not anticipated.  I learned how to see the world as my home.  I learned how to be at ease wherever I may be.  My independence and self-reliance grew in such a way that it surprised me.  I made the most of every location.  I explored.  I saw.  I lived.  I found cities and countries to fall in love with as I allowed them to become a part of me by changing the way I viewed the world and how I viewed myself, adding a new element of beauty and light to my soul.

Cheers, Yachting!

My next moment of gratitude goes to my multiple makeshift “families” I found along the way.  Whether that "family" was made up of my actual crewmates, crew house roomies, or other friends made at the many ports we frequented, I am forever grateful for the many wonderful, amazing friends I made in this short time.  All of whom contributed towards helping me grow and assisted in shaping me into the person I am today.  I thank them for their wisdom, their laughter, their cultural lessons, and their love.  I thank them for sharing a portion of their lives with me.  And now that I am moving on from yachting, I know that the friendships will only continue.  Through either their travels or mine, I have no worries that we will most certainly meet again.  Thank you, Yachting, for making my world a more beautiful place, by filling it with friendly familiar faces to greet me nearly anywhere I may go.

If that wasn’t enough, yachting gave me one more massive gift.  And for this gift, I have to thank all of those whom I butted heads with.  (That's right, I'm going there.)  Those who challenged who I was.  Those who lived by a set of rules that I did not agree with.  It is because of those people that I discovered my own strength, confidence, and insight into who I really am.  To what really matters to me.  My experiences in yachting have helped me realize the basic truths of myself and have stirred within me the strength to speak it.  And to take action upon it.   To live it.  To live my Truth and not give a flying f#@k what anyone else thinks.  That’s right.  I said it.  I am a sailor after all. ;)

I can now, officially, say that I am ready to close this chapter of my life.  And what a HUGE chapter it has been.  The gratitude I feel for having lived this adventure is indescribable.  I have loved my experience living and working aboard yachts of the rich and famous, and now I am ready to love something else.  I am now ready to love a career that is truly reflective of me.  Whatever that specifically may be and however it may morph over time.  I am ready to move forward keeping in mind the qualities from yachting that I loved, and letting go of what I didn’t.  And in the place of those things I am releasing, I will keep ample space open for a new and unforseen opportunity to enter.  Thank you, Yachting, for all the amazing gifts  you have given me and thank you for paving the way for my next adventure to begin.

Sayonara Yachting!!  It sure was good while it lasted. :)

Ode to Yachting, One

In honor of my "retirement" from the yachting industry, I thought I'd post the very first letter I wrote to my friends and family at home shortly after I joined my first yacht.  A little walk down memory lane if you will.  Reading this, I have to chuckle to myself about how enthusiastic I was about my exciting new adventure and what details my novice mind selected as worthy of sharing.  So here it is, the first letter I wrote as a "yachtie", over 4 years ago....

Hello All!

I just thought I’d send you all an update on my where-abouts and what I have been up to, since I still do not have a cell phone and rarely even hop online. 

At work on my first boat

This past week has been crazy busy.  Last week Tuesday, we departed from Cannes for a 24-hour passage to Tarragona, a city about 40 miles west of Barcelona.  Throughout that 24 hours, I worked 4 hours on watch, and 4 hours off (to sleep!).  We set the boat on autopilot, and whomever is on watch uses several radar screens to locate other boats, in addition to a pair of trusty binoculars.  I was super excited about the binoculars and used them to spot ANY floating item I could, which included boats, birds, and a LOT of garbage (rubbish, as my crewmates call it).  

My favorite item I spotted was not an item at all, but 3 separate schools of dolphins!  The first time we spotted them, my captain told me to run to the bow and hit the side of the boat and yell at the dolphins.  At first, I thought he was only trying to make me look like a fool, but it actually works.  So every time we spotted dolphins, I would excitedly run outside, bang on the bow and yell “Hi Dolphins!”, and because they like the vibration of the boat (and my shouting), scores of them swarmed around the boat, jumping and leaping out of the water.  Ahead of us, they raced to greet the boat, and behind us, they did back flips in our wake.  It was absolutely amazing to watch.  At one point when I was “talking” to the dolphins in a loud excited voice, my captain, who was inside, thought he was hearing the dolphins chatter, but another crew member informed him, the squealing was me.  What can I say?   This is all new and exciting to me! 

Tarragona

Unfortunately, the voyage wasn’t all good.  Having almost finished my midnight to 4am shift, I thought I was in the clear.  The problem arose (no pun intended) from trying to spot other boats in a black sea against a black moonless sky, with no lights on inside or outside of the boat, while feeling the waves crash against the boat as we moved forward, full speed ahead into a black abyss.  I could hardly tell up from down.  Needless to say, my equilibrium was not having it.  I began to feel queasy, but decided I would stay strong and NOT get sick.  Not on my first passage.  Not after all my crewmates had joked earlier that day about whether the newbie would get sick or not.  Well, my stomach didn’t care about any of that.  As my captain and I chatted away, right in mid-conversation, I bolted.  The sea had gotten the better of me.  Darn it.  Oh well, I’ll have my sea legs soon enough... I hope.

After surviving the trip, we arrived in lovely Tarragona, Spain, a beautiful city filled with Roman ruins.  I was lucky enough to have some time to explore the city, visit a pub, and eat at a tapas bar (yum!) when we first arrived.  The past few days I have been working from the moment I wake until my head hits the pillow, in preparation for the owner’s visit.  The owner and his family have just boarded today and will be onboard for the next 3 weeks or more.  That means I will continue to be crazily busy, but will try to drop a line whenever I can!

Hope all is well with everyone.

Miss you all!

Mary :)

Find Your Space

Have you ever found yourself at a loss, feeling fragmented, over-loaded, over-whelmed, or scattered?  And you can’t quite put your finger on what is skewing your energy?

Usually when I am feeling this way, the first thing I know I need to do is to “Find My Space”.   Of course, this has multiple meanings, both needing to find a place of peace and calm within my own self, but also, most often to attain that, I need some time in an actual physical place of peace and calm in order to find my own clarity once again.

Of course this can be done in many ways, sitting quietly in a favorite room, or heading out of your home to a nearby coffee shop, or by simply going outside and spending some time in nature. 

Although, often, to get to the root of your disconnect, all you need to do is take a look around you.  Around your immediate space.  Take a look at your home, bedroom, closets, work desk, what have you.  What is that space saying to you, and about you, energetically?  How does its current state reflect what is going on inside of you?  Often times, when our mind feels chaotic, our personal space reflects that chaos with clutter, uncleanliness, and/or old items that we have long outgrew but hang onto for one reason or another.

So now it is time to find your space and reclaim it as your own.  Reclaim it as a peaceful refuge for your mind, body, and spirit to reside.  Honor that space, respect that space, and see THAT as the reflection of you.  Honor, respect, and pride.  In your space and in yourself.

This week, I have been desperately needing to clear my overloaded and overwhelmed brain.  As I looked around my current living situation, I could clearly see the direct reflection in my immediate space.  Still not decided which caused which, a classic case of the chicken or the egg, but what I do know is that both my mind/energy and my physical space were directly affecting one another.

So in order to clear my brain, I needed to clear my space.  Operation:Overhaul!!!

After having just moved back into my mother’s place last week, I found myself overwhelmed trying to fit all my belongings I had brought back with me from the boat into my already full closets and bookshelves at my mom’s.  As I told my mom, I felt like I was trying to move into someplace that someone was already living in.  And in a way, I was moving into someone else’s place, with someone else’s things.  The old me. 

I have been traveling and living aboard boats for the past four plus years, and before that, I had homes and apartments, with a roommate or with my then boyfriend.  I had a lot of stuff from my various homes, so when I left to do yachting, my mom’s place became not only my own personal storage space, but also the official dumping ground for all my things I didn’t want or need to have with me, but also wasn’t ready to let go of.  Things I wasn’t able to let go of because it might come in useful later, or I had spent a lot of money on it, or because I had once really loved it, or some other reason.

After futilely trying to fit all of my current “things” into a closet full of used-to-be’s, I stopped for a moment, in the middle of a critical sort-session, sitting on my floor with items scattered all around me in piles and messes, and I looked up at my heaving closet which was threatening to explode at any moment, showering me with sweaters and tops and scarves and jeans, galore, I thought to myself,  “It’s too much. Too much stuff.  Way too much stuff.”

And the more I uprooted, the more undealt with stuff I discovered, the bigger mess I made, and the more overwhelmed I felt.  Old paperwork, old photos, electronics, CDs, clothes.  Clothes.  Clothes.  Geez, and I just went through a huge purge three months ago after completing the Camino.  Where are all these clothes coming from?  Clothes for every season and in-between season you can imagine.  Island clothes, city clothes, MN clothes, hiking gear, you name it, and it all was scattered about, looking quite literally like a tornado had whipped through my room.  Oy vey.  Where was my shelter?

Looking myself in the mirror and feeling utterly defeated by the task at hand, wading through piles of stuff, I asked my tired, worn-out, lost refection, “What are you doing?”  And in that very moment, thank the Lord, a clear and simple answer came to me.  Such a simple plan of attack.  Take all of this stuff OUT of my room, out of this immediate space, out of this cross-fire of new vs. old, and put it in a neutral space to sort after I get my room squared away.

And so the schlepping began.  From my room to the neighboring family room, which luckily for me, is rarely used.  I hauled it out.  All of it.  All the things I was humming and hawing over, all the paperwork I just didn’t have the energy just now to sort through, all the wall hangings and décor, everything. 

Then turning my focus back to my now nearly empty room, I cleaned the beep out of it, from top to bottom.  All the while telling myself I was making a space to welcome my spirit back home to.  A clean, uncluttered space that is truly reflective of me, now.  Not me 4 years ago, or of me two years ago, but of ME now, and of the ME I am becoming.  Hells yeah!

So I cleaned, then I set things up how I wanted them.  I told myself nothing from the family room is coming back in here until it is sorted, I have decided it belongs in here, and it has a proper home to stay in.  Otherwise, it is going somewhere else (in my actual storage area in the basement), or I am letting it go.  Releasing it.  Saying goodbye to the things I no longer need.  Give these things the opportunity to bring happiness to someone else.  Because all this extra unneeded stuff is only dragging me down.  By setting this “stuff” free, I am simultaneously setting myself free.

Anyhow, this major move just happened yesterday, but once I had my room cleaned and organized, I immediately felt the peace return.  I could breathe again.  Deeply and fully.  I actually WANTED to spend time in this room now rather than run from it.  And instead of feeling overwhelmed by this space, it now inspires me. 

My "Manifesting Station"

I turned each dresser top and bookshelf top into a sort of manifesting station.  In a non-cluttered, Zen sort of way, of course.  Atop of one of my low bookshelves, I strategically placed a stack of books with titles representing my next adventure.  The titles being, “The Sacred Sites Bible,”  “Tales of a Female Nomad,” “Creating Money,” “The Power of Now,” "Your Heart's Desire," and “Sacred Places.”  On top of this stack of books, I placed a beautiful large clear quartz crystal to further magnify the energy that these books hold.  Perhaps you can guess what it is I am trying to manifest?  To travel the world, visiting sacred sights, then sharing my stories with others through either the written or spoken word.  However that may be.   I hope, hope, hope to find some sort of paying gig for this!  What an amazing career and life that would be!  Whoo-hoo!!!!

Atop of my nightstand, I have my lamp, with a small dream catcher hanging from the on/off knob, and a small stack of books about New Zealand, and on top of the books sits a beautiful heart-shaped stone I had found along the path while walking the Camino this past Spring.  This little “manifesting station” is to help manifest the trip I hope to take to see my friends in New Zealand later this year.  So every night before I close my eyes, this will be the last thing I see.  And hopefully my dream catcher will “catch” some great ideas from my subconscious on how I can make this a reality.

A big WHEW!, and a Hallelujah! to finding my space and making it my own again.  ;)  That phrase, “Find Your Space”, has come to mind on many occasions when I have felt foggy-brained or unclear, and often times all it takes to feel clear-minded again is to simply and quite literally do just that.  Clear your space.  Clean your space.  Honor your space and honor yourself.  Release old things that are no longer you so that you can create the space for something that is.  Something that is YOU, NOW.  So who are you now and who do you hope to become?  Find Your Space and find out.

Strength, Deux

All right, so I have done it!  And how appropriate that I am updating my blog exactly one month after my last post, Strength?! 

So what exactly have I done, you may ask.  Let me tell you.  I exercised my true strength.  I flexed my bulging biceps.  I let the truth ring from my vocal chords.  I made the decision that I will no longer accept what is unacceptable and that I will no longer subject myself to a situation that is doing nothing but harming my psyche (and depriving me of my sleep).

In other words, I put my foot down, and I quit.  I quit my job, which in my life, means I then also had to change my residence, as they are one in the same in the world of yachting.  And I couldn’t feel better.

Free at last, free at last, thank God almighty I am free at last! 

(Yes, that is how strongly I feel about this.)

So not only did I have to exercise my strength by (1) deciding I can and will take this leap.  No matter what, I will be all right. ;) But also because (2) I had to let go of a few fabulous plans I had for later in the year by telling myself they will still happen if they are meant to (visiting dear friends and do some hiking in New Zealand and Australia.  Boo-hoo!!!!  Fingers-crossed I can still pull this one off!).  Finally, I exercised my strength by, perhaps most importantly, (3) by speaking up for myself and for my fellow crewmates, as to what is acceptable and what is not (again).

Unbeknownst to me, my leaving was not going to be as simple as even that.   My unexpected move caught the attention of a few other higher-ups (as in the BIG boss), resulting in myself being summoned for a meeting with some big-wigs I am not normally involved with to discuss my reasons for leaving.

I will not share what I said, but I will say that I spoke my truth with as much clarity and love as I possibly could.  I didn’t turn it into a he-said, she-said thing, and I didn’t finger-point or blame.  I simply gave the facts, in a compassionate way.  And thank my lucky stars, the person(s) I spoke with were very receptive, and understanding. 

After that conversation, I was finally able to feel some peace in this situation knowing I had been HEARD.   I don’t know what action will be taken to help the situation now that I am gone, or if anything will even happen at all.  But at least I feel that I have done my part.  I spoke my truth, and I got the ball rolling by shedding some light on what can be improved, for the sake of the crew as a whole.  Perhaps I inspired a few others to stand up for themselves as well, or maybe not.  At least I showed that it can be done.  All I know is that I did what was best for me, by honoring the truth of who I am. 

So even though I am now back at my Mom’s residence for a bit, and am technically “out of a job”, I couldn’t feel more proud of myself for doing what I did.  It was certainly a learning experience as well as a golden opportunity to show myself just how strong I really am.  And to show myself just how greatly I have grown.  (This is where I pat myself on the back.) ;)

What's next?  Oh my, I've got a whole list of new adventures!!  Stay posted to find out!

My Mantras as of late (feel free to make them your own) :

I SPEAK and LIVE my TRUTH with CLARITY and LOVE.

I RELEASE all that I no longer need.  

Hooray!! :)  And hells-to-the-yeah!!

P.S.  Happy Blue Moon!!