What the Camino Gave Me

How do you put into words the feeling of being, perhaps just for a moment, One with the Universe?  Or of reveling in the beauty and splendor of a gloriously alive and ever-changing nature?  When I think back to my time on the Camino, I am most struck by and in awe of how beautiful it all was.  Every single part of it.

Crossing a countryside one step at a time, allows a person to absorb and actually touch the very soul of the land.  I have breathed in the green of a million blades of grass, the lightness of countless billowy clouds overhead, the magic and wisdom held in the dark, damp forests, the cleansing and often sobering wet of the rain, the strength of the relentless wind whipping across the meseta, and the radiant joy and warmth of the sun.  The essence and spirit of Spain are now a part of me.  Spain and the Camino live within me.  And I am forever changed for it.

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Life on the Camino was simple, yet fulfilling.  Satisfying.  A long hard day of hiking was rewarded throughout, with the glorious view, the smells, the sounds, and of course, the company.  When the day felt long, and our feet and backs were sore, all we peregrinos needed to feel complete was a hot shower, a warm meal, and a bed to rest our weary heads.  When it rained all day long, sometimes for days on end, no one complained.  We just looked at one another and said “This is our Camino.”  And took it for what it was.  Smiled and laughed despite it.  Enjoyed the experience it created uniquely for us.  This is what we have been given, and for some reason, it was exactly what we needed. 

A dear friend of mine along the way loved to recite, “The Camino gives you what you need, not what you want.”  Perhaps a hard but true lesson.  The Camino gives you what you need, not what you want. 

This got me to thinking while walking, what is it I need?  What did I come here for?  I never fully knew the answer to that.  For me, it was just something I had to do.  Ever since I had learned of it a few years back, having read Paulo Coelho’s and Shirley MacLaine’s accounts of having done the trek, I always knew it was something I would eventually do. 

I suppose I wanted a few things.  I wanted to have a spiritual experience, as I have drifted a fair distance away from the essence of who I am.  Far from my beautiful Spirit that I was once so very close to.  I wanted to have a revelation of sorts.  I was curious about this often talked about, "life-changing" experience that the Camino provides.  And as a traveler, and as an eternal student, I just wanted to have the experience, whatever it may bring.

But what I wanted, was not what the Camino gave me.  At the end of my hike, as I sat in the Santiago Cathedral, I looked at that golden altar, the very same alter that peregrinos, for hundreds of years, have looked at and offered up a prayer after having completed this arduous journey.  I thought to myself, “Here I am, I made it!  I hiked 500 miles to get here!  Whoo-hoo!”  Then I paused, as that thought sunk in, and a realization came over me. “Wait, WHY did I hike 500 to get here??  Why?” 

“I don’t know why.  I don’t know why. I don’t know why I just hiked 500 miles to get here” was my only response. Talk about an anti-climax.  For a brief moment, I felt deflated.  “Where is my earth-shattering, life-altering miracle?”  Hmmm.  But in the next instant, I realized that my “miracle” clearly was not coming today.  Maybe this was all there was to it.  “Oh well, this is my Camino,” as we all had recited many a time along the way. Accepting it for what it was, and feeling grateful for all that I had been given; a wonderful opportunity exactly as it was.

I didn’t know then why I had hiked 500 miles, and the reasons are only just now beginning to reveal themselves to me. 

I am purging and cleansing my life of things I no longer need.  That actually was a mantra I came into the Camino with, only to completely forget about it less than a week into my journey.  But now that mantra is back, “I release all that I no longer need.”  Physically, the Camino helped me shed some pounds.  So that was certainly a release of something I didn’t need.  Hooray!  And now that I am home, I am going through all the boxes and closets filled with things I have been storing at my mother’s home for the past four years. 

Having now eliminated nearly half, I’ve done so by asking myself if this item I am holding onto is “Me” anymore.  “Does this truly reflect Me now, and who I want to become?”  If not, then off to the Salvation Army it goes!  As I set these items in the discard pile, I say to myself, “This is no longer who I am.”  Knowing that by releasing all of this old stuff, I am making space for the new to come in.  And I am not just talking about making room for more, new “stuff”, but rather, I am referring to a more symbolic “new”.  Clearing a space in my life for new growth.  Making room for new opportunities, experiences, and people to enter my life that truly reflect who I am now, whom I have grown to be, and whom I have yet to become.

I am opening my horizons in areas of my career as well.  A profession that I once thought of as “wishful”, is now re-labeled as “possible”.  No, make that “attainable” and “a reality”.  And the only thing that made it unattainable before was my own mindset.  So what is my new possibility?  To become a writer.  Yes, yes, I know, I am doing exactly that at this very moment, but I mean, I want to really write.  I want to reach an audience much larger than what my humble blog may attract.  Perhaps this had been a dream of mine years and years ago, but I never really even entertained the thought that it could be a reality.  And now I ask myself, “Why on earth not??”  I am more than capable and deserving of living all that I can dream up and more.

The Camino has inspired me to simplify and amplify.  Reduce and release all that I needlessly carry around with me, and to increase and embrace all that actually matters to me.  To let go of the things that are not a true reflection of who I am, and reach out eagerly and with determination for what is.

The Camino has given me so much, and I know this is only the tip of the iceberg.  I can tell I am getting back in harmony with my Spirit again.  I am not fully there yet, but I am getting closer.  And with that harmony comes clarity, peace, and a bountiful attitude of determination and drive to get exactly what I am seeking.  And I have the Camino to thank for that.  Earth-shattering, life-altering miracle, ready or not, here I come. ;)